Cheerful givers

"Out of the most severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity." 2 Corinthians 8:2

I lead a small worship and prayer meeting on Monday evenings. When I say it like that, it sounds dry and church-y. But it's one of the highlights of my week--being in the presence of God together with my friends fills my heart with sweet light. I anticipate this meeting as a time to be refreshed and renewed; we usually go home glowing. But sometimes, I want the sweetness to last a little longer, i.e. social time after the meeting.

Recently I invited my friend, Kara, and her son, Tommy, to go out for dessert afterward. My only agenda was just to continue the fellowship of the Spirit we had during our prayer time; it just felt so good to be together. Kara is a gift of honest, free fellowship. With a grin, she often bursts out, "Koinonia!" during our delightful, intriguing and sometimes challenging conversations.

Kara and Tommy cheerfully said yes to dessert at 10:30 pm on a Monday evening, when almost nothing in Salem, Oregon is open! I called my husband to say I'd be home late, and he said I should come home and get some cash because we didn't have money in the bank for me to use the debit card.  My friends overheard me and said not to worry, they would pay for it.

After driving to a few different places that were already closed, we found a restaurant that was open. As we looked over the menu, they calculated. All the money they had in their possession was $12 in the bank, and Tommy had $2 in his wallet! I suddenly felt terrible that I hadn't gone home to get money. My husband still had a wad of cash in the cupboard leftover from our tax refund. I usually get very uncomfortable when I don't know if I will have enough money to pay my share in a social situation. I usually pretend to be fine but make worried calculations in my head. I would never volunteer to pay for someone else if I only had $14 in the whole world!  


But Kara and Tommy were completely relaxed and cheerful, not even embarrassed!  They used a phone calculator to figure out what they could afford. The decided what they were getting, then they encouraged me to choose a dessert, since I had asked to go out to dessert. I knew I had some cash in my wallet, but I underestimated how much. I dug out two or three dollars, mostly quarters I had been saving for laundry.  I protested that they didn't need to spend their last five dollars buying me dessert! "No, we're definitely spending all of it!" Kara said. I argued that I didn't really care about dessert, I just wanted an excuse to be together.  I really didn't mind drinking water and sharing the tater tots.  But Kara insisted--insisted!--that I choose a dessert.

It's hard to explain, because I have never seen it before--but this was not your standard polite arm-wrestle for the bill, where some of the motives are tangled up with social expectations and the desire to appear generously in-control. There was also no hint of martyrdom in my friend's cheerful that-settles-it argument: "God takes care of us each day, and He said not to worry about tomorrow." I had some social guilt too, because I initiated our outing and then came up empty-handed! You're not supposed to invite people to go out unless you are prepared to at least pay for yourself.  But, trusting my intentions completely, Kara cheerfully brushed past my social mistake. I had no choice but to order the decadent brownie topped with nuts and ice cream. And enjoy it as freely as I had received!

Not only were they happily un-embarrassed to do the math in front of me, but when it came time to pay the bill, they were equally unashamed to ask the waiter to put $12 of the bill on the debit card and we would pay the rest in $1 bills and quarters!

Now I can happily say I know what it looks like to "give cheerfully"!

Vision for Fullness

This is a dream I had a year ago; I happened to dig it up today. These are the raw notes I wrote when I woke up, with my own comments in italic. I dreamed....

A father was given a party in his honor. He saw his daughter and son sitting in the driveway in their car, and wondered why they weren’t coming in.  I said, they’re probably arguing.
Have you ever missed out on God's celebration because you were too busy fighting?

Then the father brought out a huge flag and waved it at them:  it was as wide as he was tall.  He got down on one knee and spread out his arms to hold it up.  It was a white flag with an outline of a man, half of him was black (left side) half red, but the outline wasn’t filled in solid, rather it looked like veins or a sponge.
His banner is love, and His love is as deep and wide as He Himself... but this is also a white flag of surrender. A call to surrender.  The way of the Kingdom of God is voluntarily laying down our rights for the sake of love and unity. Not under compulsion, but as a response to the invitation of love.  Maybe the black and red man illustrates the two natures within us at war, spirit and flesh. We are being renewed in this life, constantly growing in the Spirit and putting to death the ways of selfishness and corruption.  Since the outline is not yet filled in, there is much still to be determined in this struggle.  Which will flow like a river in our lives? The sin nature or the life of the Spirit?

Then like a commercial in front of me, his voice boomed, and it was like Kirk Bennett’s voice but also like the Lord’s --and the words were white on a black screen, “Do you have vision for the fullness?” There were more words I don’t remember, but I also remember this part (not exactly word for word):  “We have touched and held things that have burned our members.“ In the dream, I thought this statement referred to the things of God that had scorched the flesh.
When we begin to grow and draw near to God, He begins to expose darkness in our hearts in order to deliver us from it. At this point, some people become discouraged or turn away.  But "our members" also refers to community, since we are the Body of Christ with many members.  The work of deliverance that God does privately in our hearts can be painful, but the relationships that He ordains also include pain. Both the pain of hearing the truth (from God) we did not want to hear, and the pain of each other's failures and shortcomings.  You see, God can use your shortcomings for my good.  Even your sin and weakness--your short temper, your flakiness, your coldness--is God's kindness toward me to help me grow in humility, kindness, patience and grace.  I will do what I can to help you, but in the meantime God wants to use the wounds among us for our own good.

I felt challenged by this--would I have vision for fullness? Would I be willing to endure pain for it?

Hunger

I remember hearing a missionary in Mozambique say, “I don’t fast to become more spiritual.  I fast so that I know what it’s like to be hungry.”

The last few days I was hungry.  The little food we had, I was trying to save for my kids.  We had spent a lot of my husband’s first paycheck moving into our new place, and didn’t have much left.

Hunger is humbling.  Hunger reminds us that our frame is just dust.

Yesterday, I bought a cart load of groceries--thanks to the State of Oregon--so that we can eat like kings until the next paycheck catches us up.  I felt a little shame “spending tax-payer money” to feed my family fresh fruit and vegetables, but since shame accomplishes nothing I decided to be thankful.

After feeding the kids and giving my husband a plate in the living room, I sat at my kitchen table alone surrounded with half-empty moving boxes, looking at my plate of asparagus, pasta and sausage.  I don’t faithfully pray before every meal, but this time I remembered. "Thank you, Jesus, for this food," I said over and over. "And bless the State of Oregon and the taxpayers who paid for it."

I thought of all the people in the world who don’t have a government or a neighbor or a relative they can ask for food. So I prayed a childish prayer: “God, please feed everyone in the world who is hungry.”

What can I do?  I can send some money to my friends who are rescuing babies in China. I can freely give to people I know as I have freely received.  I can buy a cup of coffee for one of my homeless friends.  I can support my friends‘ businesses.  "I can make a difference!"

But maybe the childish prayer is good.  God, please feed everyone who is hungry.  And use me.  Many are hungry, in many different ways.  Hungry for love, hungry for significance, hungry for redemption. And just plain hungry for food.

In the imminent future of God’s Kingdom coming to earth, for the ones who hang all their needs on God Himself, there will be no more crying, no more sighing, no more sickness, "and He will wipe every tear from their eye." Soon He will erase sickness, pain, and hunger, too.

It’s my honor to help feed the hungry, but only the wise, good, and generous King will solve hunger once and for all. My faith is in Him, not humanity.  The ones with faith in humanity will call me naïve, but I take comfort in His justice. The meek will inherit the earth, and those who hunger and thirst for righteousness will be filled, in every way.